Rather than 'getting rid' of it, how about we see it differently? Maybe it perhaps could have a different name?
If we focus on eliminating the feeling completely, the next time we do something big and there's even a whisper of it, we can tend to think we've 'failed' at 'overcoming' imposter syndrome; then we feel like even more of a fraud. What we resist, persists, after all.
Imposter thoughts are the product of a set of beliefs, pressures, and expectations about ourselves, our work, success, failure, and the world itself. We didn't choose them, many of them were handed down through the generations. Mostly, they all come down to 'you are not enough', it's an identity that we never chose - and sometimes our environment can feel to give us more evidence.
Some of these beliefs are the product of specific experiences or interactions with others - for example, a harshly critical caregiver may have made us believe we weren't good enough, and this became a lens through which we saw the world for the next 20-30 years. Others may have experienced traumatic incidents with no ability to safely process them afterward. Putting our hand up and giving an incorrect answer in class as a child, followed by laughing and sniggering, may have hurt at the time and inadvertently caused us to conclude that we should know everything to be accepted. There might not even be specifics that we remember, and we certainly don't need to force ourselves to do this alone.
Equally, beliefs can also form through repetition - what we watch others do, the media, friends, loved ones, and the education system. We are constantly bombarded with messages that we will 'be enough when...' we own more, achieve more, and look a certain way. When we don't have these things, we believe we are not good enough. We may learn that failure is scary as we've seen others become upset. We may be praised for doing things on the first attempt and conclude that we should do things solo, quickly, and easily to be deemed worthwhile. We've also been handed a whole set of stereotypes, paths, and criteria we think we must fit to be 'successful'. Maybe our repeated experiences of the 'standard' way to do things not working for us, and feeling like an outsider for doing things differently.
Many of the things we think to be true about the world without question, were formed when we were young, with a malleable and suggestible mind, with minimal rationality. Of course, our stories continue to be written, but often every conclusion we draw stems back to previous belief systems, as it put a lens upon the world. A lens we never chose.
The important thing to remember is that whilst there are many overlapping experiences, everyone does have a different life story. At our core, we are all humans that experience emotions, and deep down we do want to be accepted, we are wired for connection. Our reactions and conclusions made sense at some level, in the past, but often they aren't as useful in the present.
Our belief systems and previous experiences sit in our subconscious mind, which is much larger than our conscious awareness. When we go into a new situation, our subconscious may detect perceived threats - based on the past, but rarely the actual level of risk in the present. For example, the possibility of failure, or not being accepted. Our sympathetic nervous system fight or flight response kicks in to mobilise us to run from, or fight, the perceived 'scary' thing, we experience fear and thoughts appear based on us not being good enough - we listen to and believe that set of stories about why we aren't good enough to be there, the pressure to be 'perfect' and subsequently we feel as though we must be a fraud. At that moment, our mind isn't that rational - a story for another time - but our thoughts are not facts, and are often skewed by the emotion we are experiencing. I believe in this moment we are listening to that negative voice we never chose, which I called the script, others may call the inner critic.
This might be further compounded by being in an unsupportive environment where there is a lack of support, equity or safety. Testament again to the collective responsibility of us all to support each other to embrace growing together, whilst always being valuable.
This experience is not because we are actually imposters. Often there are many pressures being put upon us at that moment, internal and external, to feel as though we should be someone else or achieve even more, or that we've done it in the 'wrong' way. It can often come at times of pushing comfort zones or doing new things, which some people find brings some solace to understand, a kind of 'aha, I know why this is louder right now'. Personally, I believe this script that keeps being handed down is the imposter, and not us.
When we understand it and view it in an alternative light, we can move towards what is important to us with a newfound compassion and curiosity for ourselves. Change is possible, and navigating the experience differently is possible. We can form additional, new beliefs and connections - we know this through the power of neuroplasticity.
If I could say one thing to everyone reading this, it would be that you are already valuable - you always have been and always will be. You are the one underneath the thoughts and the experiences, as intense as they may feel. I'm sorry the world has taught so many of us that our value depends on fitting a mould we never chose. There is always time to get to know that person, so when the imposter thoughts come, it is easier to anchor back into you. This doesn't mean we give up trying new things, it can make the process easier. How can we approach the experience by being a little more curious, and a lot kinder to ourselves?
Different things help different people, at different times. Some may find self-help strategies and practices beneficial, for example journaling to create space between the stories we listen to and the listener - us, mindfulness to notice and release the pressures without judgement, self-care practices to regulate our nervous systems, for example breathwork (box breathing is a good place for many to start, or 7-11 breathing). Self-compassion is very evidence-based and there are tonnes of resources on Dr Kristin Neff's website, self-compassion.org. Some might listen to podcasts and others sharing their stories, whilst remembering that what they explain is their perception, and it's ok if ours is different. There are many stories you'll see online about 'you should enjoy imposter syndrome' - please don't force yourself to have to, if it doesn't feel right, there are many different things that can help. Oftentimes these statements are made through one lens and lack the nuance of individual experiences and backgrounds.
Some embrace the idea of getting familiar with their 'inner imposter' - when does it come up, what could it more innocently be trying to keep us safe from or trying to achieve? Some name it and thank it for its input, and provide reassurance to the person underneath. A quick check-in as we do new things to assess our skills and capabilities isn't a bad thing, as long as we do it through a factual and compassionate lens. Alongside this, they get to know the real them - behind job titles, achievements and accolades - and what's important to you. Some might notice when they do new things they take life a little slower and do more of the things that fill their cup back up, or they have a friend or mentor that they know will listen to them. If you do this, it's important to do it without judgement, and embrace curiosity, rather than criticism. This takes practice.
Many people ask what they can actually do?
Because this experience is different for everyone, I'd say if you've tried self-directed exercises and practices without much difference, or if it is having a wide-reaching effect on your life, to reach out for help to another person. Someone who can help you to hold the space to explore and understand the experience, and to get to know yourself. If your mental health is adversely affected, you might wish to speak to a medical professional or therapist, especially if there is potential trauma involved. Many people find this helpful. You can find licensed UK therapists on the BACP website, check their prices and find out the ways they work - there are many types of therapy that exist, not just CBT. Alternatively, speaking to a GP, or checking out your workplace resources, such as Employee Assistance Programmes. One of the most important things connected to positive outcomes is how connected you feel with your therapist - again, testament that different things help different people.
If you're keen to make changes to a particular area of your life, then coaching can be beneficial - if you're not sure where to start with finding one, start with asking for personal recommendations, reading testimonials and setting up a discovery call.
A mentor can be helpful if you're walking a new path in business or career, and they've done similar. This might be someone in a formal role at work, or someone you reach out to.
And, don't forget to take a wider look at your environment too - it's easy for us to assume something is just 'our' imposter syndrome, and yet, there might be other factors at play. This can again be helpful to soundboard with others, confidentially.
I regularly give talks and workshops for teams on this, so please do get in touch.
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